CHICKEN FIGHTER DEFINED
(\ ˈchi-kᵊn - ˈfī-tər )
1. Fighting while sitting on someone’s shoulders, usually in a pool.
Alt. Uncomfortably early to the party. Last to leave. Understands they aren't guests, they're opponents. Where others see a simple pool, they see a chance for glory.
YOUR PARENTS WERE CHICKEN FIGHTERS.
It's true. Summer BBQ's and pool parties weren't complete without the time honored tradition of chicken fighting. Oh, they'll tell you differently but the history of chicken fights is a long and rich tapestry that intertwines conquering despots with revolutionaries, sex, and everyday suburban living.
Learn more about the history of the greatest sport on two shoulders because if you don't learn from history, you're doomed to never repeat it. And that would be a shame.
IN THE BEGINNING...
Rudimentary drawings from cave exploration show cavemen used chicken fighting to prove dominance and mark territory. These hairy, knuckle-dargging homosapiens were definitely ahead of their time. Way
to set the tone, cavemen.
Gauis Julius Ceasar Agustus Germanicus, better know as Caligula, replaced Coliseum games with bath house chicken fights. He also made his horse a Senator, which proves he was a cool, level-headed Emperor.
Ghengis Kahn used chicken fighting to defeat China, declaring "Defeating the Chinese was easy, try balancing another guy in mukluks and a parka on your shoulders for two hours in three feet of snow. That's hardcore."
CHICKEN FIGHTS EVOLVE
Images of early chicken fights show up in Baroque-era paintings and sculptures. Ok, we made that up. But chicken fighting could have definitely livened up the gloom and doom of the Baroque era.French revolutionary Marc-Andre Thierry-Poulet forms the first organized chicken fight tournaments to help revolutionaries pass time between battles to overthrow their oppressive Monarch.
HOT TUBS, BEERS, & SHOULDER WARS
"Tune in and drop out" was replaced with "Drink up and jump on” in many hippie circles. It wasn't uncommon for puzzled parents to hear their teen kids claim "Dad! I'm just going to a Chicken Fight tournament with some friends. God. Leave me alone." to cover for their attendance at Vietnam War protests.
Chicken fights have become a time-honored ritual at barbecues and backyard gatherings across the globe, even while the man tries to suppress its unbridled joy through frequent ejections from public pools and parks.
However, resistance has been futile, as each summer, thousands of party-goers engage in the great shoulder crusade - it's just not that widely reported.