“Let Us Fight The Supply Chain” Say Frustrated Chicken Fighters Waiting On Fleshlight Order

DUBUQUE, IOWA - It slices, it dices, it juliennes. It even cuts though an aluminum can and still carves off a nice thin slice of tomato. We’re talking, of course, about the world famous Ginzu knife.

But millions of consumers are still waiting to experience the tangible and emotional fulfillment of this 8th Wonder of the World, along with many other products, due to a major supply chain glut brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic.

But a pair of local Dubuque, Iowa chicken fighters are unwilling to accept this delayed gratification - and they’re willing to do something about it.

Jared Smith and Casey DeWitt say they have a simple solution to solving the worldwide bottleneck. “Just let us fight the supply chain. We’re undefeated in the Dubuque Kiwanis Club Intramural Chicken Fight Police Activities League and think we have a pretty good shot, at the very least, of intimidating the supply chain into getting its ass in gear and delivering what we damn well ordered,” said DeWitt, who likened their strategy to giving the supply chain a ‘laxative’ with their superb hand-to-shoulder combat prowess. “Just give us 30 minutes. We’d loosen that motherf****r right up,” said DeWitt.

DeWitt’s partner, Jared Smith, was unavailable for comment as his Fleshlight order apparently arrived early.

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